MY INVENTIONS

I have invented an affordable bathroom scale that's extraordinarily sensitive. A subject can stand upon this scale and inhale and exhale and watch his weight go up and down. A hair plucked from his head will move the needle. The weight of his contact lenses will move the needle. Anything that he excretes or ingests will move the goddamn needle. It's a very precise scale.

For the first time in the history of household technology, one can finally know one's weight to the nearest millionth pound.
This weight can then be converted into parrots.

For example: At the time of this writing, a single pound of man is worth 871.16 parrots. A man weighing 165.459011 pounds rounded to the nearest whole unit is worth but 143,741 parrots.

However, extended to the nearest millionth pound he is worth 144,141.272022 parrots, for a difference of.... drum roll, please........... 399.872022.

That's a lot of parrots.

I am currently seeking capital in the amount of $10,527 in exchange for 22% of my total sales. But that's negotiable as I'm not one to split hairs.

Home - Music - Prank Calls - Archives - Contact