Cam Rodger's kid won the regional spelling bee. She's a brat.

After the bee, Cam took her out for ice cream and invited us to come celebrate. Ha ha ha... yeah right... See you there, friend! The only reason my Nicole was disqualified is because a momentary lapse of self-control had me spitting out letters and doing gestures and weird faces and stuff. A couple moms got wise and had us brought before the Spelling Commission and if you've ever dealt with those people, THEN YOU KNOW.

Anyway, Cam Rodger's kid won a bunch of merchandise. A scooter, a tent, a beach radio and a bunch of short works of fiction. A trip to NASA camp, a NES system, a Swatch, a station wagon and multiple swords. My Nicole asked Cam Rodger's kid if they could please camp together in the cool new tent, and do you know what Cam Rodger's kid said? She said MAYBE.

That's fine. We have a plan.

Tomorrow night, when the subdivision gets dark and Cam Rodger's kid is sleeping soundly with 12-letter words frolicking through her pointy head, we're going to break into her bedroom and sink a dagger of steel deep through her soft pale belly skin. She'll sputter and cough and little red rivers will roll down the folds of her seven-billion-thread-count sheets. We've been robbed of something precious. Now Cam Rodger's kid will feel what it's like. Roger that?




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