My Nephew Brandon's High School Graduation Speech

Graduating class of 2008, as your valedictorian and fellow West Valley High School graduate, I am honored to speak before you this afternoon. [PAUSE] I would like to thank Kraft Foods for sponsoring this speech. It has been a long, creamy journey. [PAUSE] If there is one message I hope to leave you with, it is this:

Kids love macaroni and cheese. They love the gooey, cheesy taste, and parents love the convenience and affordability. Whether you prefer the powder mix or the Real Velveeta Cheese sleeve, you'll go ga-ga for the smooth flavor in every box. Let's face it, we all enjoy rolling the silly noodles on our tongues and savoring the tartness of the gormet sauce. [PAUSE FOR LENGTHY APPLAUSE]

If you need a quick, easy way to feed the kids while you're at work, try our all new Mac & Go Tubers. Each Tuber is slam-packed with tangy cheese sauce and cooked macaroni, ready to squeeze and enjoy without any additional preparation. [STRIKE PODIUM WITH FIST] But Kraft does more than just Mac & Cheese. Please visit for more information about our complete line of products. [PAUSE]

Once again, congratulations class of 2008. You may now move your noodle tassels to the other side of your highly inappropriate saucepan-shaped hats.

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